Families Change Teen Guide to Separation & Divorce

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You might feel sad, as though you are mourning the loss of a lot of things: your old life, the way your family used to do things, and the good times you won't have together now. It's a lot like grieving when someone close to you has died.

You might be missing the parent you don't see every day, and even missing the parent you do see every day, because he or she is working more, or is really distracted or irritable because of the stress he or she is under.

Sadness is natural, and it's OK to feel sad. But there are things you can do to help yourself feel better.

If the sadness is lasting a long time, or it is getting in the way of your ability to do the things you normally do, get help.

Q & A

Q:
What is the difference between separation and divorce?
A:

When two people have been living together and they decide not to live together anymore, they are separated. However, when married people separate, their marriage has not yet ended. They have to get a divorce to legally end a marriage. Common-law couples don't have to get a divorce, because there is no marriage to end.

Q:
I really feel like I need some help. Who should I ask?
A:

There are lots of people around you who can help. Tell your parents, teacher, school counsellor, family doctor or another adult you trust.

If you aren't getting the help you think you need, keep asking until you get it.

Q:
Will I be able to spend time with both parents?
A:

In the vast majority of cases, children get to spend time with both parents. How much time you spend with each parent, and exactly how that will work, depends on your custody and access arrangements.

Q:
What will my friends say when they find out?
A:

Lots of teens worry about breaking the news to their friends. But separation and divorce are very common these days.

Good friends will be glad you've told them. You're still you, even though your family is changing.

Q:
Do I have to take sides, or choose one parent over the other?
A:

No, you don't. You have the right to love and be loved by both parents.

If you are feeling pressured to take sides, and you feel you are caught in the middle of your parents' problems, tell them.