Once the shock begins to fade, you might feel really angry, especially at your parents — for causing this to happen, for not working hard enough to prevent it, for letting you down. After all, you didn't ask for this!
Anger is a normal, healthy emotion that everyone experiences. Anger only becomes unhealthy when you express it in ways that hurt yourself or others, or when you don't express it at all. To put it another way, anger itself isn't good or bad; it is the way you handle your anger that can have a good or bad result. You can choose how to handle your anger. Unfortunately, a lot of people have a hard time handling their anger because they haven't been taught how.
Some people handle anger without expressing or showing it at all. The problem with not expressing anger is that it is likely to come out in unexpected ways. Plus holding in your anger can often make you more and more angry over time. The worst way to handle anger is through aggression or violence — by attacking someone with words or with physical force. This can include yelling, name-calling, put-downs, pushing, fighting, and so on. Violence is never an option.
The best way to handle anger is to be assertive, which means knowing what you need and want, and knowing how to ask for it without being disrespectful of other people's needs and wants. If you need to let off steam before you can express your anger in a positive way, try:
- Leaving the room and going somewhere else to calm down.
- Counting to 100.
- Going for a walk or getting some vigorous exercise.
- Talking to a friend you trust.
- Listening to some music that you like.
- Sitting quietly and thinking about why you are angry and how to solve the problem.
If you find that you are angry often, or that you sometimes become violent when you are angry, talk to someone who can help.